WAKE UP!!!!

I know some of the meetings here at Widget Co. can be boring. Really boring. But geez, people, try to stay awake!! We had an all-attorney mandatory meeting today where we had a presentation on certain aspects of Widget Co.'s business -- basically the future of making, distributing and paying for widgets. Two presenters. They weren't even bad -- they didn't read their slides or anything. That didn't stop 3 of my coworkers from sleeping through the entire presentation. One of them has only been here a few months! Seriously, that's rude. You might want to sleep, or need to sleep, but you stay awake. By the end, there were 5 sleeping, but at least the additional 2 only slept a few minutes!!

HA!! I'm smarter than the average bear!

I outsmarted Big Brother! I made the comment form a full page (FYI, settings > comments > Comment Form Placement > full page) and now you should be able to comment! Even if you work here at Widget Co!! AB and Alissa, if you'd do the same, you would be able to once again receive my amazing words of wisdom!! :)

Sigh. Unfortunately, my brilliance took time and experimentation, and I tried different templates to see if that would fix it. Now it looks weird. Grrr.'

Big Freakin' Brother!

Grrrrrr. Widget Co has done something to our Internet capabilities, and I can no longer comment on some of my favorite blogs. I can't figure out the rhyme or reason why I can comment on some but not others (sometimes even both on Blogger). So if BikerPuppy comments on your blog occasionally, rest assured I'm still reading and enjoying -- I've just been unjustly silenced. Alissa and Amazon Barbie, yours come immediately to mind.

Damn Big Brother! Sometimes I feel like I work in Communist China.

Life at Widget Co

Widget Co is a rather odd place to work. Don’t get me wrong, I really like it here. I work with great people who make it fun to come to work everyday. Well, at least, I'm sure it's more fun than mining coal 200 feet underground in earthquake country with nothing but coal-dusty gruel to eat and one’s own urine to drink.

Today was a typical Wednesday. I got up, got dressed, came to work, and turned on my computer. I got some work done on a filing, answered some emails, and before I knew it, it was 11am. Time for the Widget Co Law Department Country Western BBQ! Of course!

I went downstairs to the little park area that separates the reserved parking lot (the gold-paved lot, lined with cherry blossoms and roofed by rainbows, where senior attorneys such as Yours Truly get to park) from the lame-o parking lot (made of loose gravel and surrounded by a flaming moat full of snapping turtles) where the riff-raff (including lesser attorneys) park. Down in the park, there was a lovely BBQ set up, with long tables lined with burgers, hot dogs, chili, cookies, fruit, lemonade, baked beans, potato salad, etc. A very nice assortment of quite yummy food.

After collecting my food, I went over to a table my friends had staked out. I noticed that, like always, the attorneys sat with attorneys, the staff sat with staff, paralegals sat with paralegals, etc. Very self-segregated. It always reminds me of 4th grade, when I learned that boys have cooties, and thus girls only sat with girls and boys were left alone to pick their noses elsewhere. Of course, in 4th grade, I was confused about why cooties were bad (I knew they were by how others said the word, but...), because we used to play this family game called Cootie, and they were adorable. For those of you who were children in the 70s:

Anyway, once most people were served, the line dancing started. Yes, line dancing. With an instructor. In the parking lot. I like to be a participator in things (because I know I'm a dork, and if you're gonna be a dork, you might as well enjoy yourself and embrace your dorkitude), so I danced a couple songs, sweating like a pig and moving like a fat tired cootie covered in molasses and thumb tacks attempting to swing dance in an ultra-high gravity environment. Fun, but ugly.

Fortunately, as far as I know, there is no video of the spectacle. The same is not true for my coworker. I took my camera, with it’s crappy video capability, and made sure that his endeavor in work-related line dancing would live ... FOREVER!. I even arranged for it to be posted to the Law Dept. intranet. I know, I’m evil. I give you Connor, the whiter-than-me Irishman dancing a line dance. He’s now been nicknamed “Shimmy.”

Of course, it’s not all fun and games here. We also work. And we take things – especially safety – very seriously. Leon, one of the managing attorneys here, just got back today from vacation in Mexico. Yes Mexico, home of the chimichanga, tequila, and the swine flu. Of course, several of his colleagues made sure that it was safe for him to return to work. I’m not sure what all the exam entailed, and I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know. Poor Leon. Welcome home, guy! Hehe.
Now, back to work. I’m pretty sure I can get something done in the remaining hour before I leave early.

Work "events" on weekends

This past Saturday, all of the lawyers in Widget Co's law department were invited to the home of the general counsel (of our parent company) for lunch. Actually, the event was quite nice, with servers bringing around yummy hors d'oeuvres, several stocked bars (with really hot bartenders) both inside and outside the home, and valet parking. Since I generally like my coworkers, it was not unpleasant to sit in the sun eating sandwiches with them and their spouses and SOs.

But... it was Saturday. Saturday is my day. Saturday is the weekend, and should be sacrosanct! I don't care how much booze you're serving, you're still taking up my weekend. However, given the status of the host in the Widget Co food chain, I figured it would be better for my career to just go. I didn't have it nearly as bad as some west-siders. They got stuck in bad traffic and it took more than 2 hours to arrive. On a lovely Saturday. Sa-tur-daaay....

I generally think of these events as a bigwig's opportunity to show you how much better his house is than yours (or any you'll ever own), and demonstrate that his salary and benefits package allows him to hire chefs and valets for a 4 hour party. I'm not saying that's why he did it, but it sure feels that way to me.

All in all, it's gotta be good to be the Big Cheese. But it was Saturday....

Late afternoon meetings

My boss set a meeting from 4-5 today. What??? I get here at 7ish so I can leave at 4ish. Ack!! and now, the meeting is delayed because her 3-4 meeting is delayed!! Does she not know it's Drinko... er... Cinco de Mayo??

Seriously, who thinks it's ok to set meetings at the very end of the day??? Of course, it could be worse. At least it's not 4-5 on a Friday!! Actually, I've had 5-6 meetings with bigwigs on Fridays. That's just evil.

Long weekends

Widget Co. gave us President's Day off work. Hooray! A three-day weekend! Celebrate!

But wait. Why are we celebrating three-day weekends as "long" weekends? Who decided that a regular weekend should only be two days? I feel I could be much more productive with a 4 day work week and a 3 day weekend. Seriously -- who decided this?? Yeah, yeah, I hear what you're saying. Work weeks used to be six days. So? It's time for another change. Lots of companies are going to 9/80s (ever other Friday off) or 4/10s (every Friday off). Why isn't that the norm? Norms need to progress, change. Otherwise, men would still be wearing tricorn hats and women would still wear long dresses with high collars, even in 95 degree heat. That would suck. Two day weekends suck.

It's time to move forward. Time to move to the three-day weekend. Four day weekends every couple of months will now be our standard "long" weekends. Stand up and say "no more." Right now. Stand up. Yes, you. Stand up and say it with me: "No More Mondays!!!"

Meetings... Are they necessary?

Every week, I am forced to attend between 6 and 30 meetings. Yes, 30. So far, that's my record (OK, actually it was only 29, but...). What do these meetings accomplish? Occasionally, a great deal. Sometimes we hammer out our corporate position on important issues. Sometimes we refine language for a contract. Sometimes we settle disputes. Those are the good ones.

More often, we sit around, discussing for an hour things that could be resolved in 15 minutes. But we've set aside an hour! Thus, we must discuss for an hour.

Admittedly, I work in a cube farm, and I know people need to get out of their boxes and into a room where the walls reach the ceiling. I sympathize. I can even tolerate the meetings that are actually productive. What really, really bugs me, though, is when someone regularly schedules meetings for one of two bogus purposes. First, because he/she is not busy, and has plenty of time to gnaw an issue to the bone. Second, because he/she is hoping that the meeting will accomplish the work he/she was assigned to do.

It must stop. Take a stand, people! Decline those meeting requests! Delete emails suggesting that "we should get a team together to discuss." Fight back! Otherwise ... we all lose.

(Thanks to despair.com for the awesome Demotivational poster.)