Monday, July 6, 2009

You're Lucky I Like My Car....

What is it about summertime that brings out the highway hemorrhoids? I'm talking, of course, about tailgaters! Yesterday, I drove down to Long Beach, about a 40 mile drive from my happy chunk of suburbia, and I had someone attached to my bumper the entire way. Not the same somebody -- just always somebody.

Why would someone want to drive this close to my car? What if I hit the brakes? What if I have to swerve to avoid something in the road? What if I throw a bag of dog poop out towards his moon roof? (Ahhh, if only my aim were that good....)

I'm trying to figure out how to invent the following device: When the driver sees a hemorrhoid on her ass as she's driving, she can push a button, which will pop open the trunk slightly. Out of the trunk comes a large hand that goes in the tailgater's driver side window and smacks him upside his annoying head.

If you are an inventor, and know how this can be accomplished, please call me on the Bat Phone.


Alissa said...

Please put me on the waiting list for this invention. Can we make it sound activated for those people who insist at beeping at me when I refuse to turn into the path of oncoming traffic? Living in NJ now, I have been getting that a lot lately.

weezermonkey said...

Mr. Monkey's favorite thing to do to tailgaters is simply to wash his windshield. The water and soap go flying over and land on the tailgater's car. Voila!