Thursday, September 24, 2009

Why didn't my mother tell me this would happen?

We have commercials and ads for everything nowadays. Ever get that not-so-fresh feeling? (Massingill) Feeling bloated and irritable because of your period? (Midol) Ever gotten a leak when you're wearing white pants? (Always) Afraid you might have gotten pregnant last night and want to get rid of it? (Plan B) Did you know you can mix two personal lubricants and get a more amazing result? (KY) Do you have fine lines and wrinkles? (Olay) Need to get rid of stretch marks? (Strivectin)

Nothing is too personal anymore, nothing is taboo for TV commercials, magazine articles, or "news" stories, right? Nothing? I think not.

If we live in such an open society where we can talk about all of the above, why are there still things we have to learn about by experiencing them? I'll give you my favorite example. I'm 38. About 5 years ago, my eyebrows started disappearing from above my eyes and reappearing on my chin. I thought: "I'm a freak!" I thought that I had some serious hormonal condition. I couldn't tell anyone, show anyone.... People would ostracize me!! I'd be a societal outcast!! I'd end up as the bearded lady in a traveling circus.

Now, I know living in Los Angeles, home of any plastic surgery you could imagine (did you know some men get calf implants?) has tarnished my view of what is "normal." However, imagine my surprise when I gave up caring what people thought and started mentioning it to other women my age -- they had the same concerns!! I have a friend whose entire chin is covered in a beard if she doesn't shave it! I went to have electrolysis done and found out that it's incredibly common for women to grow facial and neck hair (always darker and coarser than their regular hair)! Another friend even shared with me that she grows the occasional long dark hair on her nipples!! I'm not a freak!!

But why -- why??? -- in a world of 24/7 douche, tampon and stretch mark commercials -- isn't this talked about? I've mentioned it to several women who also feel that no one else but them suffers from this! Shouldn't Oprah be covering this or something? What about all the "beauty" mags -- what better way to make a woman feel she's not ugly than by letting her know she's not alone?

Ok, off my soapbox. If you're a woman starting to grow beard hairs, there's nothing wrong with you. Even the occasional nipple hair isn't bizarre. It's normal. But why didn't anyone tell us?

Do you have any "why didn't my mother tell me this would happen to me?" items? Let's all share so we all know we're not freaks!


weezermonkey said...

This hasn't happened to me, but, as you may know, I am kind of the hairless wonder. I've never shaved my legs, and I occasionally pluck a stray hair under my arms.

Resume hating!

Alissa said...

The nice thing about having a sister is that we can discuss the chin hair situation, and we tend to live in one of those families where anything goes as far as conversation is concerned. I didn't realize that most people had polite (boring) conversations over Christmas dinner until I started dating, which may (or may not) be why I gave up on dating.

When we were in our teens we made a shocking discovery about our mother, that naturally came up while eating dinner. She wipes sitting down. My sister has polled others and thinks it might be a generational thing, but it doesn't make any sense since we were raised by our mother and stand up to wipe.

Obviously, that is more information than you wanted to know about me. If you want to hear more about the rest of my family than you ever wanted to just join us for Christmas dinner.

BikerPuppy said...

I never stopped hating you, WeMo!

Alissa, that's hilarious!! There are some things we don't need to know, even about family! ROTFL!!

angry mandy said...

i have lived in fear of chin hairs my entire life. i once noticed more than a few on my college roommate and ever since then was hasn't happened to me yet, but i'm glad to know if (when!?) it does, i'm not alone...

and yes, they really need to get a commercial out about this immediately. perhaps, you can help with a theme've got some pretty funny lines in your post that just need a melody...

Marinda Martin said...

I would also like to know how it is that you can pluck these chin hairs religiously when they appear in a certain follicle, yet the follicle continues to produce them. Die already, follicle.

Just one more question for when I meet the Grand Designer. I'll ask it right after I ask whose idea it was for women to bleed for 1 week of every month for forty or so years. I mean really, couldn't they have come up with something a little better than that whole system?

Marinda Martin said...

I cannot believe I posted that comment under my own name. Another benefit of middle age. You don't care what you say anymore, you just say it.

BikerPuppy said...

Teehee! So true Marinda! They are super follicles!!