Not the crown I wanted

I love my parents and am very glad they are still together after 40-something years. I am happy to be alive. Despite this, I still think there should be a law: two people with bad tooth and gum DNA shouldn't be allowed to have children.

So I was sitting home last week, happily eating a slice of angel food cake, when a tooth exploded. Yes, on angel food cake. The softest food on the planet. Grrrr.... Not that it was the first time this particular tooth had given me trouble. I think the word "tooth" may be a misnomer, since there was more mercury than an old-style thermometer taking up space on my gum. Sigh.

Off I go to the dentist. It took two trips, because just as I sat back in the chair and watched the four foot drill coming at my face, I got a migraine. Not a "oh, I'd really rather not be here" headache, but a full on migraine. Later, when I told her about it, my coworker asked me why I didn't just suck it up and stay. I took a metal chair and crashed it down on her head, poked both her eyes out, poured boiling acid on her exposed skin, and pushed a pickle fork into both of her ears. "Would you like the drill now?" I asked. I guess she took the point, because she peeled her bleeding carcass off the floor and went back to her office.

So I went back and not only got a root canal (although I have to admit it was the most painless ever!), but the dentist did oral surgery! Ack!! When he came at me with the scalpel, I almost peed my pants! Then he ground my jaw bone down. I firmly believe there should be a minimum 72 hour warning period before you have to be near a scalpel. I only got 30 seconds notice.

They put on a little temp tooth which came off a few hours later. Now I have a little post in my mouth where a tooth should be, stitches in my gum (and because they'd run out of clear thread, I have black, rotten looking, stitches), and a greenish bruise on my jaw. I go back this week to get the stitches out and get fitted for a crown, and presumably get another temp.

As if all of this weren't painful enough, they billed me $857! Yes, eight-hundred-and-fifty-seven-freakin-dollars for the privilege of sitting through the process. Why do I pay so much for dental insurance if it still leaves me with an $857 bill?????? Holy tooth decay, Batman!

As I was coming in to work this morning, I remembered that I have a lottery ticket I haven't checked yet. (Can't check it here at Widget Co. --they don't want you to know if you can quit.) Maybe I'm a multi-millionaire and can commission new teeth. More likely, I'm in for more of the same, since I got crappy tooth DNA. Thanks Mom and Dad.

Health, doctors and medicine

Last Thursday, I went home from work with a migraine. A bad one. Friday, I went to the Emergency Room because the migraine was much worse, and I lost the vision in my right eye. About 45 minutes after arrival, I was hooked up to an IV and drugged up with morphine. The headache started to ease. About 2 hours later, I went home, groggy, headachey, and getting my vision back. I slept a while, and then the itching kicked in. I'm assuming that not everyone gets this reaction to morphine -- given the number of people addicted to it and Oxycontin and all the other heroine-related drugs. 26 hours of almost unbearable (but better than the full migraine) itching later, I was feeling better. Headache almost gone, itching gone, mood improved.

I get it. I have a chronic migraine condition -- 8-15 migraines a month. I know some of my triggers and avoid them. Others are a mystery to me. I just have to live with it. What I shouldn't have to live with is stupid doctors.

The ER doctor did what she was supposed to do. She took the edge off the headache and sent me home. My frustration is with my regular doctor and the various "specialists" I've seen. Migraines are not new. Their cause is not well-known, but there are lots of aggressive treatments being tried by different doctors throughout the world. Not mine. Mine want to give me some abortive drugs (stop it when it starts) and send me on my way with a pat on the head. Um, how about trying to PREVENT the damn things?? I've seen 3 neurologists and several GPs, none of whom has been willing to work with me to find the cause. My acupuncturist has done more to help prevent them than the guys with the fancy degrees!!

So, doctors suck. If you've had any sort of ongoing or chronic condition, you know what I'm talking about. They don't get it, and they aren't really concerned about getting it. My worst doctor experience was when a neurologist sent me to a neurosurgeon because he had discovered I had a brain tumor. The neurologist was an ass, and refused to give me info about the tumor, saying that the neurosurgeon would do that. Of course, I had to wait two weeks for that appointment. The neurosurgeon said, "You have an acoustic neuroma brain tumor. You can have it removed by surgery or radiation. Which do you prefer?" Ummm, let me see.... Having my head cut open sounds gross. Having my head irradiated sounds gross. Yeah, thanks for helping me make the choice. What a dufus. As if he had been asking "Coffee or tea, which do you prefer?" Fortunately, the internet has vast resources, and I was able to find lots of info and support groups to help me decide. Doctors suck.

Know who else sucks? People who pretend to have "migraines." Seriously. I have a coworker who walks around wearing sunglasses, going out to lunch with friends, and joking around the law cafe, having a "migraine" that is preventing her from working. Gah! Migraines aren't just crappy headaches. They are a debilitating condition with a headache like you've never experienced, nausea, and a whole host of other symptoms. You don't walk around and joke and laugh. Wearing sunglasses doesn't cut it. Stop using them as an excuse to leave early. Stop using them as an excuse to get out of work. Stop using them as an excuse to be a goof off. You're making it harder for the rest of us who are actually suffering with the disease.

Ok, off my pain-induced soap-box. I hate doctors.